Love?

I am a son, I have a father, I am a father, I have a Daughter. I know how much I adore my sweet princess, yet try as I might I struggle to understand or truly feel the love that my own parents surely feel towards me! It is possibly my own fault for driving them and others away from my confidences, hopes and dreams. I seem to struggle letting others share these important parts of me. I want very much to be known and understood for who I am and will someday be, yet still I lack the closeness I seek. It could be that after a marriage and supposed temple sealing are destroyed by the agency of another, that trust is harder to give or to come by. But is that really what it is? Or do I seek to be single and separate myself because I want it all, the penultimate woman, who both amazes and inspires me? I am a good man who cares and gives to others regardless of the return yet everything I do is self serving I gain from every exchange. I love to serve, I love to understand Ideas I don't really get excited about much else is that too one dimensional? does that make me less interesting? I do not know the answer to others perceptions of me, all i do know is that I love you being you as only you know how! I must be my own worst enemy when it comes to dating because I have no problem flirting or being direct. I only struggle to commit myself to courting anyone, dating is fun and I enjoy every encounter. I lack the ability to close the gap and move forward. A funny conundrum I should say. I cant move on with out Matty and Matty can't move on without Her, whomever she may turn out to be!