In conflict it is those who ascribe others as being less who are dehumanizing themselves in order to remove empathy and logic by a changed perspective or paradigm.

Most Americans are familiar with the event that occurred on Tuesday, April 20, 1999, the Columbine High School Massacre. Many questions have been asked in regards to the why’s the how’s, and to what could or should have been done to prevent such wanton disregard for life. The tragedy of death is made more profound in such cases due to the young ages of those killed and doing the killing. They were almost all teenagers most likely just trying to get an education so they could become successfully integrated as adults in society. I am not saying that the shootings would not have taken place, or that free will and agency would somehow become a superimposed interposition, rather that these kids were ill equipped to deal with an unfair and always changing world. It is my belief that if as a country America teaches every student from the third grade to post doctorate, skills in communication and mediation a marked improvement in learning and critical thinking will manifest, as well as a reduction in bullying and violence. I will give as detailed as is needed an overview of what mediation is and how it can/will improve both interpersonal and intrapersonal relations. When teaching communication the first principle is always that of ownership and intrinsic value. If ones’ thoughts and feelings are to be expressed one must have more than just an idea of them, one must be able to articulate them with feeling and empowerment in their expression. The cognitive tools of negotiation are not quite as important and relevant as the knowledge of what one truly desires for the outcome, a part of this is knowing ones B.A.T.N.A. B.A.T.N.A is the acronym for: Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Although this seems self explanatory, it better means this, that you know when to walk away and when the agreement on offer is less favorably an alternative to that of having no agreement at all. So the first question one asks one’s self is, what do I really want to take place here? Or what can I be ok with if I can’t get everything that I want? By shifting ones thoughts away from the emotions/feelings of the situation, place is made for logic and fact finding. All parties are asked to bring sincerity and actionable authority to the table, without which the proceedings would have neither teeth nor purpose. Actionable authority means responsibility and follow through on the terms of the agreement akin to a power of attorney. Strategically the mediator has no vested interest in either of the sides cases or outcomes. Two individuals are a simpler scenario when doing dyadic mediation, as soon as one or both sides have multiple interests and responsibilities the terms and types of negotiation change dramatically. All participant parties have had expectations consciously placed upon themselves. This is due the executability of the terms set out at the conclusion of a mediation/negotiation. The acceptance of the terms of the agreement are what give the good faith to an outcomes eventual fulfillment. In a conflict of interests the emotional attachments are elevated and the reasons can be as varied as the disputants. Here is where the skill of detachment in a mediator or individual disputant provides perspective. If neither party is able to detach the feelings from the facts a mediator as a third neutral party can do so, helping both sides to see the validity of perspective that the other may have without pride without guile. The danger of pride is that it blinds one party from seeing any perspective but their own. Pride is the single most destructive attitude in resolving any and every conflict, because pride would dictate that everything fall into a preconceived notion of correctness, thereby negating any new or contrary information out of hand. This is usually manifested in the imbalance of power between teachers, parents or authority figures and the child. In the study carried out by Sellman (2011 pg. 58) where the mediation programs seemed to fail, concluded that “Schools perhaps underestimate the degree to which principles of power and control underpinning the traditional activity have to be transformed in order for new models of activity to be implemented.” Because Sellman was able to prove in the other schools where these changes were implemented and success did follow, one could surmise that it is the empowerment of the individual choice that best affects behavior. 

Above is a model flow chart for improved self mediated experiences; From this chart many things are apparent; initially there is the incident, then the interpretation of perceived intent, followed immediately by the choice of action. For the simplicity of model making, these have been reduced to 3 simple categories: (Crucial Conversations) 1.Withdrawal: The Preservation of Self through a refusal of continued communication and informational exchange. A form of Passive Aggressive Punishment. Conciliation: Validation of Individuality and Autonomy. Reciprocal communication without Judgement. Peace and Safety. Assault: Physical abuse/Emotional abuse. Demands and Pride. Coercion and Manipulation. The flow is as thus: incident, interpretation of intent, emotional response, choice of action. The action choices are simply put, fight, flight, or seeking understanding through limited vulnerability. Underpinning the processes' are mutual respect and mutual purpose, if though there is a break down then a simple apology can reset the process. An apology is not an admission of guilt nor is it a hollow expression, rather it is an acknowledgment of the other persons feelings following the incident and their interpretation of your intent. Between the incident and the emotion or reaction is an interpretation of intent. The intent is what is most important when choosing a reaction. As an example, if two people are playing catch and the ball gets thrown way off and hits somebody the reaction of the three individuals will be different than if that same person throwing, targets and intends harm from hitting that bystander with the ball. The reason for this change in paradigm comes from the interpretation of intents. When resistance or control are the tools of persuasion rather than mutually informed agreements a lack of trust will undermine the entire experience, the imbalance of powers are what perpetuate the problems, but when mutual purpose and mutual respect are the paradigm, success is the likely outcome. Philosophically all have their own paradigm for perception regarding every stimulus of the five senses, due to this schematic difference, truth and fact are very elusive touchstones indeed. It is the recognition of this separately shared experience that allowances for an alternative retelling of events can be made. This lends itself into an experience of understanding, followed by the development of shared purposes and objectives. Because the “truth” of it is we as humans live between the present and the future occupying neither the same place or time beyond that of the now. Because the past was, but no longer is, to try and remain in it is both crazy and impossible. Therefor all that is left is the present/future or the here and now. By looking forward to an acceptable achieved result disputants can move forward in confidence knowing that what was cannot remain and that the future is as yet unwritten and can be constructed into a mutually beneficial scenario for the now and the future where life is (in all actuality) lived. What is past is past and no one can go back and change what was, but one can choose what will be, if having a goal and purpose merits more than damning oneself to the past as is presently perceived. Here again is where pride is so damaging, because pride cares less for what will be than for what once was, it cares more about outside perceptions than it does progress and moving on. The teaching of children these skills and then their teaching of these skills improves greatly the understanding of the principles but it also helps them to become better learners themselves. The study done by Tzuriel (2007) and Shamir provided great insight into the benefits of peers teaching each other in the process. “According to our view, a more experienced peer is one who has been taught how to mediate and has actively used the mediation principles with peers. In this way, he or she becomes not only a better mediator, but also, more important, a better learner. The contribution of this study is by way of suggesting an additional theoretical level to Vygotsky and Feuerstein’s ideas, namely, that mediation for peer mediation is a powerful strategy to facilitate one’s own cognitive processes.” (Tzuriel pg.161) A mediator is better described as a man or woman of faith, hope, and charity. Faith is the knowledge that decisions and actions now will create in the future specific circumstances and results that will eventually become the now, then moving sequentially into the past. Hope is that to which one does not now know but wants to believe in, in what can be, if a strict adherence to congruent behavior is actioned. Charity is allowing for a space to be made between the now, and the future now, where all changes are made, and the implementation of a specified behavior can be developed. Mediators level the balance of power and ensure that the opportunity for understanding is equally provided to all, while also focusing the attention away from that which was, towards a commensurate of what can, or will be. If then these principals hold true it does society on the whole good to have these skills, tools, and techniques taught to it’s rising generation to it’s future leaders who in turn will raise the next generation. “Peer mediation programs may operate in the co-curriculum or in regular classrooms. Adequately implemented peer mediation programs have impressive positive effects, reducing destructive aggressive behavior (and associated suspensions) and developing participants’ understanding, reasoning and social skills, and openness to handle conflict constructively and nonviolently.” (Bickmore, 2002) from these findings Bickmore was able to show a two-thirds to three-fourth reduction in incidents of harassment, bullying and fighting after the peer mediation curriculum had been taught. Divorce rates have been increasing for first time marriages quite steadily for the past sixty years and have an even higher failure rate for second, third, fourth, etc, etc, time remarriages. (census.gov) This could very well be due to thousands of factors among which are a lack of conflict resolution skills, and attitudes towards permanence being temporary. Broken homes leading to broken dreams, creating broken ideas from broken individuals. This is a cycle of avoidance and blame that cannot self correct, nor can change come without an infusion of intelligence, critical thinking or communication techniques and skills. Kenneth Kressel (2007) found that although efforts to create a uniform curriculum and baseline for technique results and implementations vary, (about as much as those who are involved) in a mediated win win scenario are in every study far more likely to experience an improvement in mutually satisfying outcomes. In contrast to the win lose scenario’s of a lawyer based arbitrary resolution in court. Most of his analysis were on divorce cases spanning several years of research. I believe that the change from “my win and your lose” to “how can we both get some, if not all, of what we need and want?” makes all the difference in satisfactory feelings afterwards. In a study done by the University of Oredea, Romania, and Albert Ellis Institute, New York, that showed a moderate change in the behaviors and ideas of self, in eleven to thirteen year olds in the REBE study program. REBE stands for Rational Emotive Behavioral Education. They concluded that the students involved in the study did maintain their skills after being taught in REBE. “Overall, Irrationality was significantly reduced following the Intervention, but moderately increased in the follow-up phase. Harris (1976) showed that children involved in REBE acquired more REBT knowledge and maintained their rational thinking skills after the intervention. Rosenbaum, McMurray and Campbell (1991) also reported improved rationality in fourth grade students following a REBE program. Wilde (1996) and Popa (2004) demonstrated the efficiency of a short REBE intervention in decreasing irrational beliefs in fourth grade students...” (Trip 2010 pg.183) The ability to see the world around you and anticipate cause and effect prior to it’s observation is a key element to the REBE study. If children and later teens or adults do not have the cognizant where withal to foresee an event or to critically observe one they will remain subjected to reactionary impulses and left without strategies that could and should transform a possible negative into a positive or an advantage. By having a realistic or correct perception of self and environment logic and reason rule out over knee jerk reactions and confusion. To further illustrate the importance of early intervention Stepp concluded the following: “Youth who exhibit early antisocial behaviour as well as a combination of poor social skills and peer delinquency may be at particularly high risk for engaging in serious delinquent behaviour in early adulthood. Interventions that begin earlier in development, while these risks and skills are developing, seem particularly important. Promoting the development of social competencies and reducing involvement with delinquent peers may protect at-risk youth from engaging in serious delinquency in early adulthood while increasing their educational success.” (Stepp 2011 pg.464) This study was on anti-social behavior and not mediation yet the authors concluded that early education in mediation skills both reduces bad behavior and associations as well as improving educational participation leading to greater academic success. For the purpose of continuity and a life changing impact I believe that the program could follow this process: In the third grade every three months a class is taught in mediation skills and improved communication. this is followed up every three months until graduation from high school. As a part of the curriculum the year ahead helps to teach the year following in the skills and techniques of mediation. The reading of poetry and analyzation of possible meanings towards development of critical thinking skills. The use of team building exercises and sports to show how working together and staying within a framework of agreed upon expectations benefits all. Participation of all the administrators and teachers in the empowerment of the students being responsible for their learning. Most importantly having family teaching and workshop days, where roles of responsibility are reversed so that perspective and empathy can be reinforced. From the cooperative peer mediation teaching and later implementation the students would be well equipped to deal with disappointments and conflict's growing into better citizens and leaders in the community. By definition a nation is made up of a people who share geographic location, culture, language, government and resources. I can see no down side to properly expressing, intelligently teaching and patiently guiding children into becoming co-adults and responsible citizens. But what I do see is an apocalyptic disintegration of the fabrics of society if we as human beings cannot learn to resolve differences in healthy and productive ways. The means of death and destruction are becoming further and further removed from face to face socially experienced incidents into push button or pull trigger devastations capable of killing tens and tens of thousands. This happened at Columbine and it very recently happened at the Utoeya island youth camp in Norway, where 85 people were killed and over 200 wounded because the shooter believed they were Marxist traitors. A peaceable, logic based reasoning of expectations and desires will always outweigh armed aggression in it’s effectiveness and sustainability. May you always find peace and good fortune in all that you desire and do. Works Cited List http://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/12statab/vitstat.pdf) Jacobs, Nicky, Jaffe Russell, Investigating the Efficacy of CoMeT, a New Mediation Model for High-Conflict Separating Parents. American Journal of Family Therapy; Jan/Feb2010, Vol. 38 Issue 1, p16-31, 16p, 2 Charts NAICS/Industry Codes541990 Kressel, Kenneth, Lurching Toward Theory: The Case of Case Study Research in Conflict Pragmatic Case Studies in Psychotherapy, Volume 5, Module 3, Article 3, pp. 23-37, 09-12-09 Mediation Patterson, Kerry, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Swtizler, Crucial Conversations. Sellman, Edward “Peer mediation services for conflict resolution in schools: what transformations in activity characterise successful implementation?” British Educational Research Journal Vol. 37, No. 1, February 2011, pp. 45–60 Stepp, Stephanie D, PhD; Dustin A Pardini, PhD; Rolf Loeber, PhD; Nancy A Morris, PhD, The relation between adolescent social competence and young adult delinquency and educational attainment among at-risk youth: The mediating role of peer delinquency. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, Vol 56, No 8, August 2011 Trip, Simona ,James McMahon, Carmen Bora, Floare Chipea The efficiency of a rational emotive and behavioral education program in diminishing dysfunctional thinking, behaviors and emotions in children, Journal of Cognitive and Behavioral Psychotherapies, Vol. 10, No. 2, September 2010, 173-186. Tzuriel, David and Shamir, Adina “The effects of Peer Mediation with Young Children (PMYC) on children’s cognitive modifiability” British Journal of Educational Psychology (2007), 77, 143–165

I love the Feelings of peace and love that are palpable in the ceremonies of the Holy Temple of the LORD.">

Progression Towards Perfection

I have been considering the nature of FAITH and I have struggled to encompass it in its entirety, but lacking a perfect understanding I will as yet make the attempt to describe and expound upon it's veracity and import. Firstly Faith is not Hope or curiosity it IS and because Faith is a past, present, and future, we will start with what is perhaps a simpler concept in that, of the NOW. Right now I have goals and desires and if I want them to become and to find fulfillment then I act, this action towards progress is the Faith. Faith states that I am here and now, but I will be there and then, so in order to be where I choose to be then I must make the appropriate and necessary steps of both thought and action, which, though facing opposing forces, will culminate into the fulfillment of my designs. Faith is a knowledge of what can be, but as of yet is not, but through clear and precise planning and execution in truth will be, and then it will become a was, for it is accomplished.

Let us now use the Ultimate example in that of the Atonement. In the beginning was God, and with God were the intelligences who had as yet not become and plans were made so that they could expand and grow into the potential that Gods embodied. Now the Father of our Spirits has the patience and the understanding to accomplish his designs and in order to make it a perfect and all encompassing progression a few things needed to be outlined with boundaries set. First we were given TIME, second we were bequeathed Agency and third we were provided an ATONEMENT. Now in order to access this redemption we had had to have a new start, and an end, and a new beginning. We were born into this world with a clean slate, as free agents. Due to the nature of humanity we err and in our imperfect state we procreate, and in doing so, often we mis-teach one another what life is and what is truly of importance and worth. Since all are NOT created equal (in size, looks, or ability) and do not all share the same parenting and socioeconomic standing and also because we learn through trial and error, an Atonement was requisite to the fulfilling of the plan, the plan for progressing towards perfection.

This Savior was also subjected to the same vicissitudes with which life is liberal unto all. The acceptance of the call to be Christ was also an intrinsic part, for had Jesus not chosen of himself to subject himself unto the Father, than no amount of planning could have fulfilled the requested Sacrifice and subsequent Atonement. Now this Atonement was from the beginning and was accomplished in the life of Jesus The Christ, some 2,000 years ago, but it is yet to be completed. Here in lies the need for Faithfulness and Perseverance, enduring to the end. Faith was in the beginning, Faith was with Christ in the life, death, and resurrection. This is Faith in the Atoning forgiveness of my sins being made freely available to me, if I but CHOOSE to access it's power, and it is this Faith that will see me to the end... and beyond. It is in my Faith that I am bound up to righteousness and therefore to the receiving of all that the father hath. But in order for me to have this faith I must first be taught and have a knowledge of things as they were, as they now are, and also how they will become, continuing Eternally through the sequence of events that once were, are, and as yet will be. In other words Faith is truth understood and adhered to. With Faith one can become unlimited and unbound. Sin or self deception blind and bind one down to the depths of despair, and fear prevents progression or fulfillment.

Therefore our Faith is based wholly and solely in the Fathers choice of our Savior and redeemer Jesus the Christ. He that was Faithful who did fulfill ALL righteousness and did gain all that our Father hath. For it is by Grace that we are Saved and not by any capacity of our own, but it is also in our Faith that we perform the works of righteous obedience that our Lord has made requisite unto us. As an example all must choose baptism by emersion to symbolize the Death of our sinful selves the cleansing and rebirth as a disciple and child of God. This action of choice is "Faith made real" for we did not enter the waters but for the Promise of our Savior, that He would remember our sins no more, and as we emerge clean and pure being washed in His Blood, our sins covered up in His righteousness, to be presented to the Father, as one desiring Harmony and Love, for Eternity upon Eternity. Thereby becoming whole, without spot, Perfect. By the Faith that we put in our Savior, Who was Faithful unto His Father, Who is in like manner Faithful in fulfilling ALL of His promises to all who have ever lived or will yet be born into this world of sorrows and sin, we shall rise again in a perfected form to faithfully Live throughout Eternity.

Faith therefore IS and will always be because there is no final end, Eternity stretches on before us, always beckoning we continue into the expanses of the Universe. To say there is no end is a misnomer for there are many things accomplished and many things fulfilled but there is no end to the Works and creations of Gods, and there is no beginning to them either. There is merely a sequence of events proceeded by Faith and action. which have all become our history and record of Truth. Faith is knowing that though it is not now, it will be then, and what once was, can and shall remain, though it disappear from view yet it exists. Faith is Love fulfilled, Faith is beauty, it is Purposeful, and whole, Faith is order, therefore Faith IS!

Decisions...

The hierarchy of decision making.
GOD
MIND
HEART
EMOTIONS
ACTIONS

God is obviously at the top of the list for perspective, understanding and omniscience.
Ones Mind, One's own intelligence and ability to weigh the pro's and con's is second on the scales (allowing for the fact that One seldom has all the pertinent information to make a correct decision every time One must still make an attempt). The Heart, or the things One is passionate about follows the brains ability to try and see all sides. One may decide jumping out of a plane is never a good idea because of all the inherent risks yet a passion for adventure and the high of adrenaline may override good sense. One's Emotions will follow, here is the danger of emotional decision making, it is REACTIONARY, it seeks to justify and 'make' good a scenario we do not want and most times end up regretting.
One's Actions follow a strange pattern for making a decision for us. If you physically do something without considering the out come of the action, it would still result in the consequences.
In summation, results will always happen even if one tries to refuse to decide they have still made a choice, (doing nothing is still doing something) time stops for no man and the actions and decisions of others will still have cause and effect in ones life.

True Love

Our Heavenly Father has a perfect love for all his children. He loves us so perfectly that even when we reject him or actively seek to ruin our lives, he does not seek to control or force us to his view or will. In like manner we would do well to learn from this example of true or pure love. When those whom we love make a choice to effect their life or even ours, we really have no ability to compel another through our will power. Even if we could they are not choosing it and therefore the result is negated by the non investment of the doer. I will liken this to marriage as well as parenting. I want to be chosen as much as I want to choose the woman that I marry and spend Eternity with.

My children are beautiful and wonderful and that is because they are unique individuals and I will not destroy that amazing and wonderful character by seeking to coerce or force them into an ideal that they do not choose for themselves. My love that I give to you, is to hold on with all my heart and mind, not my hands and opinions.

Love and Let Live

I was once given an analogy of how a Man should be a garden fence and how a woman is a Garden and if he will protect her from the outside world she will thrive and grow bearing wonderful and delicious fruit, but if he is a fence to restrict and keep her in she will be incapable of bearing all her potential fruit and may even turn it bitter.


I am a loving romantic who has had to learn to not stifle or smother those whom I love. The romantic in me feels a strong need to give assurances of my love and devotion. Most of what makes up the relationship is unglamorous, uninteresting and sometimes just routine. But it is still a beautiful and empowering experience, because it is consistent and safe, because it is real.

Choices and commitments are never easy to make, it seems as tho we are always either compromising or left incomplete. Some times we need to let go of things we want and may feel we need in order to have what we most desire, trading a safer better for a less steady best. Sometimes, even most of the time, we would rather go without and wonder rather than commit and possibly regret.
Here is where we Love and Let Live.
We with no strings attached give to an other and receive in kind. We allow them to leave or stay as they choose we champion their happiness both with and even without us, we Love and Let Live. It is what a parent does, it is what God our Heavenly Father does and it is what we too must do. The only person who can keep a commitment is the one who makes it.
I am responsible for my involvement, you are responsible for yours. God is the best example of this, he invites he blesses and he loves, he never forces or demands, but he does allow the consequences to follow our freedom of choice and tho I may want to be more to you that is not mine to choose, rather it is my invitation to extend.

Truly there will never be a convenient time nor a perfect timing but there can be great interactions and relationship building experiences under the less than perfect circumstances, whilst we are struggling to makes sense and adjustments for it to work. Yes it a good thing to make adjustments, because we are looking to get married. Therefore we are bringing only a part and receiving the other part and rarely will this happen without compromise's and change. One must stay true to their desires and inmost selves, and yet it is not possible to put 2 individuals together without one or both making concessions. So for the whole to become complete the parts must be willing to fit. I rank Commitment, Integrity, Service and Support as the most important character traits one can have, I can work with most everything else, if those are firmly in place.

I loved her for her purity
I loved her for her mind
I loved her for her honesty
I love her because she's kind
I love her need for planning
I love her playful ways
I love her way of giving
I tell her every day
I love all of her I am seeing
I love her thru and thru
I love our close way of being
Yes Darling,
I love you for being you!

Faith and hope in the future must be founded on facts and fruits, otherwise we are foolishly building on fiction and fantasy.
I can give no more than all of me and will accept no less than a satisfied and committed you. The Win, Win, Win. Where I Win, You Win, and We Win together!
Failure is not an option and giving up is foolishness, but choosing is wisdom and whatever the choice is, it brings ownership and responsibility. I chose this for me and I choose to work for the future which is hopefully a future with you.

Her smiles brighten my life!

LOVES SCHEMES DREAMS

I BID THEE TO COME WITH ME
INTO THIS MY SCENE OF IMAGERY.

WE SHALL TRAVEL TO THE MOON
AND FROM THIS HEIGHT I SHALL SWOON
UNTO THEE WITH SONG BIRD TUNE.

WE’LL HAVE A PICNIC BY A CRYSTAL LAKE
AND FINISH IT OFF WITH CHOCOLATE CAKE.

WE’LL SWIM AND SUN UPON THE SHORE,
ALL OF OUR WORLDLY CARES,
WE SHALL IGNORE.

THEN FLY WE OFF INTO THE EAST
PARTAKING OF A SULTAN’S FEAST.

DANCING THE HOURS AWAY
WITH OUR HEARTS SO LIGHT
AND OUR SPIRITS GAY.

IN A PALACE WE’LL SLEEP THAT NIGHT
DREAMING UP OUR FUTURES DELIGHT.

BUT ONLY IF YOU WILL COME WITH ME
INTO THIS MY WORLD OF IMAGERY.

The Awesomeness of God's Nature

When I read in the Scripture's there are an awful lot of references to

The 6 chemistries of compatibility expounded!

Firstly lets decide that we are trying to actually get married and not just date and have a good time.

There are five steps to gaining intimacy, as well as 5 stages to developing a relationship. #1. Know #2. Trust #3 Rely #4. Commit #5 Touch, #1. Meeting #2. Dating #3. Courting #4. Engagement and #5 Marriage
the first and fifth should only happen once but both parties must be clear and on the same stage in their relationship in order to have things progress smoothly.

Now if the first hurdle is our physical attraction we must then decide what our measuring criteria are, and I can only speak for myself so we will leave the specifics and look at the deal breakers instead. The first deal breaker is bad hygiene and lack of concern for ones appearance, I don't care about how expensive or exotic your clothing may be, I just care whether or not you've put any thought into your presentation. Are you active in your lifestyle? Do you have the ability to have fun with me, in and out of doors? Most importantly do you smile easily and often?

So we can now look at the 2nd Chemistry of Compatibility, which is that of one's Intelligence. This is not how hi your IQ is or how well you did in school, this is rather about the ability one has to figure things out, both direct and implied information. If I am having to explain the movie to you when we are watching it together for the first time respectively, and I have a total grasp of it and you are bewildered than its never gonna work. If we go out and I am incapable of integrating with you and you world than it is also never gonna work. We must be on the same mental plain in order to respect and appreciate one another. We must also trust that the other person is competent and capable of living life, should we be separated. we need to speak the same language and view life's purposes and goals in the same way.

The 3rd Chemistry of Compatibility is Emotional stability. I am on a relationship train, not roller a relationship coaster! Life will go up and down, but you and I must stay within the healthy few points of median and not a Manic Depressants peaks nor troughs. I also need to know that how I feel is important to you, always, how you feel is very important to me. Will you seek understanding or will you decide how it is without asking my input? Are you more concerned with being right than with understanding me and what I am thinking and doing? Basically are you all about you and your emotional fulfillment or do you concern yourself with a healthy balance of you and I?

The 4th Chemistry of Compatibility is your Spiritual direction and mine. Do we view the Eternal in similar ways? Can we agree on the Nature of God and his Plan for our Happiness? Do we both want to be sealed in the Temple? Can you even discuss the Old and New Testaments with familiarity? Are you converted to the restored Gospel of Christ? Do you have faith in the Power and direction of the Priesthood? Will you keep your Covenants? Do you seek forgiveness and offer it in kind? have you Charity and are you no respecter of persons? Is Jesus Christ your Saviour and king? Will you pray with and for me?

The 5th Chemistry of Compatibility is Recreational. Although this is the least important, recreation has a very important part to play in how we grow together, or grow apart. Do we have the same level of enjoyment playing together, as we do with others, while engaging in any of our preferred forms of fun? Do we have the ability to support each other in things we don't find entertaining and enjoyable, because we are happy when our loved ones are? And lastly can we be alone together and not be bored with each other?

The 6th Chemistry of Compatibility is the most elusive and hardest to line up, that being the Time we spend together and the Timing of when we meet and date. So in order to delve into this one I must first go thru the timing of when we meet. Ok if we meet the wrong person at the right time that is every failed relationship we have ever had. We may even have dated the right person but it was the wrong time and that too has failed to culminate in marriage. The wrong person at the wrong time we all are ignorant to that one, but its the correct person at the correct time that we are all striving to find. We go into all our dating with this hope in mind, that this is finally the right person and the timing is also right.

But how do we spend the appropriate amount of time with this potential spouse? Do we smother? are we too distant? Or are we just unsure about how to be with them but not put expectations on them? Are we too concerned with who else they might be with? Or do we seem to not care at all? I believe that this is the hardest of the 6 to figure out. Here is what we must understand at all times we must communicate both verbally and physically what we are feeling and wanting from each and every encounter. We must build the relationship every time we get together, we can't assume anything because every 2 people are going to act differently than they would with an other combination of individuals. A relationship is going to be in a constant state of FLUX. Are you willing to work at it? Can you see the benefits will come at some point in the future through good foundational building on your ability to express and receive vital information regarding the person you could spend Eternity with?

If you are not capable or willing to do these small few things than you should look in the mirror and ask yourself why you even bother dating, because you are living in a paradox of counter intuitive self fulfilling prophecies of failure. But if you can put the effort in and determine in your heart and mind that an Eternal relationship takes the best you have to offer in order to work and work for the rest of your life to nurture it, I promise you that come what may you will look back and be grateful as well as appreciative of Gods gift of life. Because you will have LIVED it with purpose and determination not as a reactionary but instigating and developing the character and traits of greatness thru out your earthly sojourn!

Independence vs Autonomy

I Was talking to my good friend Mitch during one of our 2 am gym and hot tub nights, and the subject of Independence, co-dependence, Interdependence and Autonomy came up. So after that greatly frustrating conversation, I decided I needed to Blog about my thoughts on the latter subject. I do now recognize that emotional Autonomy is very good and healthy if it means you aren't a chameleon and adjust to those around you rather it's an owning of your own feelings and choosing them.

Now first off, I am very attracted to the Independent woman, but having made this declaration I also want to make perfectly clear that I do not want to date the "Autonomous Island woman" who won't allow you to be there for her and doesn't want to feel as though she has to be there for you. I must say here that I am a giver and a man of service, so to me, it is not a simple thing to receive the gifts or the service others might wish for me to have from them, but I have learned that it is as great a kindness to receive an other's gifts as it is to give to them. Reciprocation is a compounding circular path of growth and that means, give and receive, not give and take!

So the question in our mid singles scene is; (Guys) "how do we close the sale? or commit to the Eternal relationship?" (Ladies)
I believe a lot in the principal of faith, and have found it is always over a long stretch of time that clarity comes to the events of our lives. I myself struggle to ignore the vibes that say "something is off" yet nothing has, as yet, been vocalized. So do I address the issue of not knowing quit what's up? Or do I need to wait until she has broached her topic? Or do I say nothing and wait, because until it's an issue it's not an issue? Or do I try to open windows and doors thru love, service and kind words, so that she can feel secure in knowing I truly am there for her?

I have personally chosen to do the latter and in all cases past it has proved to be the end of the relationship, yet I was not wanting it to end, rather I was striving to create a place of safety and acceptance. I can't fight for something when it's not expressed, I cannot read minds or anticipate most things, I may tune into a vibe here and there but the only true way to have a great relationship is thru trust and open honest dialog. Hence my struggle with the autonomous person, who will always struggle to share or rely upon another, thereby sabotaging the relationship, because they can't let go of the control and independence, or in other words their Autonomy!

And now after having spent more of their life as a single/independent adult winning over life's vicissitudes and achieving some semblance of balance and security. the Idea of adding a significant other to their status quo and "upsetting their apple cart" by integrating another, can cause a great deal of anxiety and stress, that is once the fun times have run there course and the realization that it is a one way train track heading to marriage, the second guessing and panic set in. Some might worry that they still haven't dated enough different people to make a good decision others might; like a very smart and beautiful friend of mine say, "I know what it's not" but not recognize what it "is" when its right there in your face, like the glasses you can't seem to find because you are looking thru them and not at them.

So why then do we get on the relationship train in the first place? I believe it is because we find fulfillment and joy in the company of others and Love is the key to life's everything. Gods first and greatest commandment to Adam and Eve was to cleave unto each other and to multiply and care for the earth. Otherwise there is no life, no children, no future.

I have had a crash course thru my first young marriage on how to not only live with someone but to love them even when in disagreement or frustration with them, this I believe has given me an advantage over fear and insecurity. Knowing as I do that over time all things will become right again and that the Saviors Atonement truly does heal and fix us all from the inside out.

So it is great to be Independent but even the Son of God is not Autonomous from the Father and if we are to be like Him we need to not only have faith in and reliance upon Him but must also endeavor to likewise love, cherish, trust and rely upon another whom we are Eternally wedded and sealed.



On the flip side no one wants a clingy, needy, foolish partner who feels more like a dependent than an help meet. So how do we come across as the Independent yet committed to you person who can have a healthy and nurturing relationship? I would offer that it is by trusting first, giving first, saying first and not expecting anything in return, that we are then able to start building the foundations of a great relationship. It does not matter how an other feels about you until you have decided how you feel about them. For one to wait until it is safe and they have the so called "power of the situation", having received either the declaration of love or the acts of service to be willing to then give is short sighted, selfish and foolish! Yet no one wants to feel as though it is not earned and thereby valued. So how do we relate that to the other person? how does our life match up with our words and desires? how do 2 become "at one" and at peace and harmony?

How do you think this is done?

Although you saw of me yesterday
I am not the same this day
though we may words have exchanged
but still I must change progressing beyond
the man whom I have become

but that's not where I begin, but instead
by describing myself as I am from within

look see into my eyes
for there in them lies
the soul of a man
whose conviction defies
any deceit and all off the lies

I am a man

but all too soon temptations set in
desire is turned upside down
causing convictions to crumble,
turning to dust,
allowing visions to cloud
and intentions to rust

but in me one always can find
someone to trust and therein confide
I never will stop and never let slide
when there's a choice to be made yes once I decide
you shall have nothing to fear nor reason to hide,
for anything that is of importance to you
is to me of the utmost significance too!

You and I

You have perceived my discomforts
dissuading my inhibitions
with the sweetest commissions

do you yet understand my darling
the effects of your presence
the magic in your eyes
the fire in your lips
the electric shock of your finger tips?

and how with the simple touch of your smile
the pains of this world flee into the farthest exile
its hard for me to be so far away
when the mere thought of you
makes me feel this way

where are the answers that I so diligently seek ?
where are the words to make me feel complete ?
I love you, I Love you, just let me hear them
I love You, I Love You! we all need to hear
this simple phrase that comes form the heart
I love you, I Love You, is only a start.

Convenient and Available?

Convenient and Available? Are you thus engaging others as and when they are convenient and available to you?

I have often found myself struggling to not take for granted the friendships that I have been fostering, as well as the relationships I have with family members and work colleagues. I find dating to fall under a strange form of, is it convenient? and am I willing to be put out to become available? you know, where do I make my investments? or what's in it for me?

I don't want to be the type of person who has interpersonal experiences out of personal gain, I feel that in order to be a true disciple of Christ, I do need to be "no respecter of persons." I want to be in the moment and genuine in my expressions and clear of conscience with whatever I may be engaged in.

I think that often I have allowed friendships and great interactions to "fall by the way side" because I was more concerned about what an-others perception of actual events and reality might dictate (or "prove") about me and the kind of person I was, not realizing then as I do now, that it is by my not caring more about perception than I do about my own intentions and the reality I create in any given situation that defines my character, doing good or doing right regardless of the cost is how one becomes like unto Christ and worthy of his kingdom.

I often find that the people I know, 'trust' that I will be there for them whenever and however the need arises they call on me even if its been several months since we last spoke. I am grateful that I have been consistent in building that trust and thereby making it possible to serve as the occasion's demand.

I know I have also treated my HEAVENLY FATHER AS CONVENIENT AND AVAILABLE most of my life when it's convenient for me I make my heart, my mind and my time available to Him and his Spirit. I am not proud of this selfishness I have been taking for granted His forgiving and patient nature using my knowledge of His love and desires for my success as an excuse to disregard Him to ignore the promptings and to commit sin, when I have created enough distance so as not to feel under scrutiny or judgement by Him. I just read last night in Ether how the chastised the brother of Jared for 3 hours (I'm sure He didn't repeat Himself much either)on the great SIN of not calling on the Lord.

Repentance is my only recourse, I must change my fundamental self, alter my priorities and truly engage the Father of all Creation, else how am I to become like him "for the servant knows not the Master whom he has never served". I love LIFE and LIVING, my ability to be independent in the sphere in which God has placed me (D&C 93) I am unique without and within, as are you and I need to be no respecter of persons and to truly give to YOU the respect YOU deserve.

I want to give to you the attention I want to receive I desire to appreciate you for just being you and I wish to serve you for the Glory of God and his infinite purpose of Eternal Happiness and Joy. I WILL LOVE YOU as CHRIST LOVES YOU and I will not take you for granted anymore!

Happy living

Beautiful daughter,

I have been doing lots of soul searching as of late, in the which I have found patience and forgiveness towards others, as actually being more beneficial to myself than to the recipient. I am sure that even though I may have been in the right and could have become exacting and demanding of what was mine by rights, I instead choose a course of action that I would like to be the recipient of, and after a considerable length of time I have been rewarded for my willingness to ride out the storms.
I have learned that the problems in the world stem from these two things and though related they need to be addressed separately. First in the scourges of humanity is the delinquency of fathers raising their children and: Second is divorce. And from these two social avoidances of responsibility comes all the foolish and destructive personalities with which we encounter on a daily basis.
I was left in divorce by your mother, and due to the circumstances and best hopes for both of our futures, I was impressed upon by the need to return to America to rebuild my life, I gave all that I could to help you and your mother financially and emotionally, I made sacrifices and phone calls everyday to be a part of your life, in-spite of the miles and costs involved. You have a wonderful mother who loves you every bit as much as I do, and we both want for you to be happy, healthy and full of confidence in who you are and the woman you can choose to be.
I am not a perfect man far from it, I am not saying that I have all the answers or even know the important questions to ask, But these few things I do know, Love, Trust, Faith and Patience are the keys to living, to enjoying and to progressing through the vicissitudes of life. Feeling sorry for ones self never built anything or solved any problems, God has Provided us all that we need or could ever use, But it is within us that the true strength and purpose is to be found.
Know your surroundings, know what’s what, but know thyself and “to thine own self be true.” Peace is not having fear, anger or resentment towards others. Rather it is Faith that your desires and actions are pure and will achieve the desired results to the which you have chosen. Being kind is always better than any other option, stand up for yourself, for truth and for what’s right, do not allow others to dictate what you will be involved in, Respect comes from Principals being lived not from compromises being reached. Over my life I have failed myself with ignorance and pride. At no point is it ever a good idea to sit by and allow your freedoms and your future to be decided by anyone and I mean anyone....
I have hope in you, I love and support you, just being you. I know that there are things in the world that can distract and hurt you, but ultimately you are the one and only decider for you. I have chosen to follow truth and in Christ is found all truth all hope, my faith is in the Atonement, in the plans and purposes of the Lord. I freely choose this and by so doing I am Christ’s, he has already chosen me and only by my choosing Him, am I truly His! A door can only be opened from the side that is locked, when we are baptized we unlock the door, but it is still through our efforts that we are able to enter in, worthiness comes from Christ, he provides that, we bring our desires and actions or initiative into the equation, but we must endeavor to achieve the same harmonious living that He enjoys in order to access the Atonement, which then cleanses us from all stain and degradation.
I have been writing this for over a week and right now you are laid beside me asleep and I am reflecting on our first airplane ride over here when I just started to cry and you asked me what was the matter. and my response was that I had missed you so much and was so happy to hold you in my arms and love you that I couldn’t help but to weep at how much I loved you.... (This is a mild comparison I am sure to the reunion we have chance to be a part of with our heavenly Parents and Jesus.) and the hugs and kisses you gave me and I you were to me most precious and pure. Eve God Lives and loves you as do I and WE want for your Eternal happiness and growth. Be the best you that there is, Love, laugh and live each day, each moment is yours to do with as you please. know what it truly means to be in the present!




Forever yours,

Daddy

Great Expectations

So here it is, this is what I expect from you.....
I have my view, you have yours, we seldom see things in the same way, yet we can get along pretty much as is expected..... being reasonably well, that is up until one of us acts out of either our character or another's expectation.

I want to be understood, as much as I want to be correct. When I place an expectation on you, I am setting you up for failure, and myself for disappointment. You are most likely to act within your own character and schema, as also am I. When we attempt to be in an equal relationship with another individual, now there are certainly social norms and mores with which we acquiesce, all of us have certain needs and certain wants that need to be met in order to have stability and growth. On the other hand we can place undue pressure and foolish expectations on others to shape them into what we want for them and not what they choose to be for themselves.

I want to be clear but not definitive with this subject because by its very nature it is a perspective rather than a matter of immoveable fact. All have a desire to be wanted, needed and accepted. We cannot live in solitude nor promote industry or growth without the unification of effort and skill brought voluntarily into society. Slavery isn't so much forced labor as it is oppression of choice and growth, where we, the individual want it. fairness is difficult where selfishness is the norm, but forcing substance from one to provide for another is the greatest form of idiocy yet invented, Initiative and desire come from reward, now protection from oppression and low wages is preferred by all but we cannot expect anyone to act outside their nature, true there is always an ability to improve, to put forth effort and to change, but that must and always will come from within.

Harmony is possible and most desirable with those whom we respect, with whom we honor and with whom we love unconditionally. It is very important to give with out the requirement of reciprocation, true some will abuse and seek to take advantage, but always there is the choice as to wether or not you facilitate their parasitic ways. No is one of Gods greatest kindnesses, immediate gratification brings with it little appreciation or respect, I like to be challenged, I enjoy learning and aligning myself with the truth, for easy come is certainly easy go.

Save yourself for the one you will cherish for all Eternity do not trade for gold nor for momentary pleasures the depth and purity of virginal love, experience is best gained in the acts of marriage in the exchange of ones self, body and soul.
"to thine own self be true" for the greatest struggle are won and lost in the blink of an eye, in the beat of a heart, in the moments between the moments, we live.

A simple enough concept, living, yet so few do, "men are that they might have joy", be fruitful and multiply for "the world has enough and to spare"........

The beginning is the end, the end is the beginning...

We must undertake the purpose of 'being' as an individual, as a family, as a society, as 'one'. In the mortal world we have birth and death, a cycle of life so to speak and as we move through each sunrise and sunset we are faced with emotions; love, regret, pride, serenity, hurt, resentment, forgiveness, lust, anger and so many, many more! Feeling is as much a part of living as cognizance is. We have the power to relive the past thru memory a wonder so awesome as to confuse the mind and hurt the heart as well as bring clarity and peace. Who am I? What legacy do I leave behind? Do I matter? What is my worth? Questions of validity and purpose..... I know that I am me, my actions are truth, my thought a perspective of reality ever craving the elusive Omniscience of Godhood. So the real test is not so much Obedience but faithfulness in the pursuit of perfection. A commandment is a warning A kindness, it is not for control of the spirit, rather a stretching of the soul as we recognize the purpose behind the advise and become a person who has no disposition for the sin. God cannot sin because he has no inclination to so do, yet he is not kept from sin by an outside source, he is rather good for the sake of being good. meaning he could sin if he chose to but why would he choose to? When sin merely brings with it negative and hurtful consequences.

The down side of good, the up side of bad.

So here I am looking at 30 years gone by, love, loss joy, pain, fear, hope, regret and gratitude. I have walked a winding road leading to now and in this moment I Live. the past is my perspective the future is my inspiration. I have waded thru much affliction and soared thru great moments. God....... GOD...... the title of perfection the father of truth, the redeemer of all his willing children. What must it be like to be from all Eternity to all Eternity? What would motivate a God to redeem or in other words perfect his children? in my limited minds eye, I see a being of love and knowledge, wisdom and grace, who has a sphere of influence which is ever expanding ever deepening. Whilst he achieved his harmonious existence and life, some sort of separation must have divided Him from the other intelligences that he was in the midst of. And as we were also from all Eternity to all Eternity and thus far not achieving as he had the perfected state of living, he devised a plan of perfection (salvation, happiness and progression) O* a circle is a symbol of certainty, an eternal continuation of cognizance. I believe that it was the knowledge of loneliness and boredom that quit possibly triggered the elevation of our Spirits.
God is a charitable capitalist.
As we find it not only impractical but impossible to wish anything (as substance or reality) into being we come to the very real and very necessary realization of work (effort and application) as a means of achieving absolutely everything! so when Gods "work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and Eternal life of (man)" each one of us, then we learn what the true commerce of heaven is, glory and honor. Gold and sweat have no real place in an ever expanding universe which is without bounds and without equal. Satan was a fool in the respect that he would not risk a veil of forgetfulness and humility in serving a greater wisdom than his own in order to become as God is.
So it also was with us, we had a choice to make, follow Jesus the Christ or follow Satan the deceiver. happily we all chose God the Fathers plan and were born into this world new and hopeful. For you see if we were to continue rolling thru Eternity in a perfect circle of unchanged paradigm's then what would if anything be the agent for change, for growth and improvement? Dare I say little hope could be found in that, but fully 1/3 of the hosts of heaven bought into just that fallacy and followed after the dragon. I am ever a man of questions and tho I do not understand much I must conclude as I do, that we are, that we were and that we always will be. So How we live, is and always will be, the great quest of the individual, a matter of one's character and integrity. Were we to continue as the 1/3 have, what hope could we take comfort in, knowing we had willfully damned ourselves from growth. So to me it was a break in our circle, a timeline of purpose with starts and endings frailties and pain losses and gains, we became new creatures and were given something wondrous and pure, we were given a new LIFE. a way of aligning ourselves with truth, with the God's.
I have witnessed the Birth of My daughter a wondrous and beautiful experience of creation, which has no parallel. Love or passion is an actual force (energy) or agent for growth, Gods own love for us and faith in the truth, is what makes an Atonement possible and sure. All of God's covenants are doors opened to us at the ends of the paths of obedience. For there was a law irrevocably decreed in heaven upon which all blessings are predicated and it is by obedience to those laws which qualifies us for the blessings. So it is a form of work or effort on our part that facilitates the change. We can work in many varied ways such as prayer and pondering, which often are the way in which one becomes in-tune with Deity. The blessing of baptism and marriage and parenting are not fully realized upon this earth nor in these imperfect bodies. God gave us the gift of birth and of death. When we are resurrected into a perfect and capable body with minds wholly our own, what will we do with them? how will we act? what will be our work and our glory? so first we must learn inner peace and perfection, secondly we must commit to and marry to the opposite gender, attempt at bearing and rearing children, becoming also over time at peace with them and maybe, just maybe, we can learn to be at peace with perfected beings Like Jesus the Christ and God the Father! We have a sure promise from the Lord that if repent, turn to him in humility and hope, he will heal us and with us change our hearts and our desires to be in harmony with the truth and the perfection of Joyous living.
(more to come later)

Where ever you are, there be you!

Let us begin at a beginning for we cannot start where there never was.... If the principal of Eternity is to be believed, then we, as intelligences, have always been and will continue to always be. I would submit to you a scenario thus plausible but in no way definitive. Alchemy is the reordering, restructuring and manipulation of the elements. (that which seemingly has no automation or initiative). Elohim also known as God the Father is a perfect example of creating order where there was not necessarily chaos but most certainly unorganized matter.

We were not, (under the strict ex nihilo concept) “created” for God did not create us or the matter that exists in the universe, in like manner neither was he thus created, the Universe has no bounds and is without parallel and as such time is merely a matter of the sequences of what precedes what WE ARE. This is not a dream we are not puppets and in no way is God accountable for our minds and hearts.

He has rather taken responsibility for this Earth all those who will reside here and the future existence we will enjoy
If the scriptures are to be understood and believed correct. We do not begin at Eden rather we start upon the chain of events that have lead us to this day in Eden. A veil has been drawn so to speak between us and our pre earth life.

It is my understanding that we were unorganized intelligences in the vast dark and seemingly empty reaches of space and were organized by a perfect loving and patient being we call God. He adopted us as his children taught us how to LIVE not merely exist we learned communication and began to understand, to BE.

He was different from us as he had already fused with the matter that makes up a planet though he was from all Eternity to all Eternity as are we he arrived at his perfected state prior to us doing so ... and here is where I present my understanding of what the purpose and place in which this planet can and does affords us.

We were in a state of existence with or without Elohim yet we were not as he is or was, we needed to alter our Eternal course through the expanse of time and space and the best way to do so would be to have a beginning a new start a place to grow from.

Satan is a master of self deception and because of his fear of the veil his pride in his own intrinsic existence, he saw no need or perhaps purpose to starting anew to submitting to a greater intelligence than his own and because he did so and convinced roughly a third of the hosts of Heaven to abstain from this amazing enterprise he was removed from his place of influence, and banished to the lies and darkness where Truth and the Light of life have yet to influence. For lies and darkness cannot exist in the presence of Light and Truth.

The third following Satan knew full well and had no room for misunderstanding if they so chose to listen and weigh the Plan of Salvation Authored, Prepared and to be Accomplished by God, through Jehovah, who became Father to our Spirits and now to our Bodies. Which brings us to the Garden of Eden and the placing of Adam and Eve within it. (more to come on this subject)

I have in many a discussion come to the conclusion that I really have more Questions than Answers in my struggle to understand existence, living and the unwritten future.... We are, that is beyond question, reality is not a perspective rather an acceptance of things as they were, as they are, and as they may become, likewise so is Truth. I am confident that we would yet exist without God, without Satan or without each other, We Are, a fact which though not fully understood is without question a reality, but to what degree? No one wants to be alone, and misery does love company, and joy is only found in the society of the good, the true and the righteous.

So why do we concern ourselves with so much that is really of no consequence and continue ignoring that which is Eternally significant? We honor God because he is in harmony with himself and nature, Satan on the other hand is opposed to this type of existence out of foolish pride. Our will is all that is truly ours all else is a gift from God. Like a river we seek the paths of least resistance, indolent and retarded by our own human nature, we are equally blessed and plagued by the driving forces within our separate bodies.

Self mastery is the path to perfection, all of Gods so called commandments are really nothing more than harmonious living principals.

The basic commandments are thus:

Thou shalt not have any Gods before me; Thou shalt not make covenants in my name unless directed to; Thou shalt keep the Sabbath day holy Thou shalt never have sex with anyone you are not married to; Thou shalt never covet what you have no rights to i.e. stuff, people and honor, nor worship them; Thou shalt give honor to the parents who raised you; Thou shalt never take what is not yours; Thou shalt never murder; Thou shalt never lie about anothers character

If we were to live these simple and correct principals living our lives would be so much simpler. We don’t need to have greater knowledge or stricter commandments in order to be peaceable and happy, we merely need live them! here in lies the dichotomy we are duplicitous we are fallen Man, yet this is our blessing to have at our disposal change, death and rebirth. all these are found in the Atoning sacrifice of The Christ.

(to be continued)