Although you saw of me yesterday
I am not the same this day
though we may words have exchanged
but still I must change progressing beyond
the man whom I have become

but that's not where I begin, but instead
by describing myself as I am from within

look see into my eyes
for there in them lies
the soul of a man
whose conviction defies
any deceit and all off the lies

I am a man

but all too soon temptations set in
desire is turned upside down
causing convictions to crumble,
turning to dust,
allowing visions to cloud
and intentions to rust

but in me one always can find
someone to trust and therein confide
I never will stop and never let slide
when there's a choice to be made yes once I decide
you shall have nothing to fear nor reason to hide,
for anything that is of importance to you
is to me of the utmost significance too!

You and I

You have perceived my discomforts
dissuading my inhibitions
with the sweetest commissions

do you yet understand my darling
the effects of your presence
the magic in your eyes
the fire in your lips
the electric shock of your finger tips?

and how with the simple touch of your smile
the pains of this world flee into the farthest exile
its hard for me to be so far away
when the mere thought of you
makes me feel this way

where are the answers that I so diligently seek ?
where are the words to make me feel complete ?
I love you, I Love you, just let me hear them
I love You, I Love You! we all need to hear
this simple phrase that comes form the heart
I love you, I Love You, is only a start.

Convenient and Available?

Convenient and Available? Are you thus engaging others as and when they are convenient and available to you?

I have often found myself struggling to not take for granted the friendships that I have been fostering, as well as the relationships I have with family members and work colleagues. I find dating to fall under a strange form of, is it convenient? and am I willing to be put out to become available? you know, where do I make my investments? or what's in it for me?

I don't want to be the type of person who has interpersonal experiences out of personal gain, I feel that in order to be a true disciple of Christ, I do need to be "no respecter of persons." I want to be in the moment and genuine in my expressions and clear of conscience with whatever I may be engaged in.

I think that often I have allowed friendships and great interactions to "fall by the way side" because I was more concerned about what an-others perception of actual events and reality might dictate (or "prove") about me and the kind of person I was, not realizing then as I do now, that it is by my not caring more about perception than I do about my own intentions and the reality I create in any given situation that defines my character, doing good or doing right regardless of the cost is how one becomes like unto Christ and worthy of his kingdom.

I often find that the people I know, 'trust' that I will be there for them whenever and however the need arises they call on me even if its been several months since we last spoke. I am grateful that I have been consistent in building that trust and thereby making it possible to serve as the occasion's demand.

I know I have also treated my HEAVENLY FATHER AS CONVENIENT AND AVAILABLE most of my life when it's convenient for me I make my heart, my mind and my time available to Him and his Spirit. I am not proud of this selfishness I have been taking for granted His forgiving and patient nature using my knowledge of His love and desires for my success as an excuse to disregard Him to ignore the promptings and to commit sin, when I have created enough distance so as not to feel under scrutiny or judgement by Him. I just read last night in Ether how the chastised the brother of Jared for 3 hours (I'm sure He didn't repeat Himself much either)on the great SIN of not calling on the Lord.

Repentance is my only recourse, I must change my fundamental self, alter my priorities and truly engage the Father of all Creation, else how am I to become like him "for the servant knows not the Master whom he has never served". I love LIFE and LIVING, my ability to be independent in the sphere in which God has placed me (D&C 93) I am unique without and within, as are you and I need to be no respecter of persons and to truly give to YOU the respect YOU deserve.

I want to give to you the attention I want to receive I desire to appreciate you for just being you and I wish to serve you for the Glory of God and his infinite purpose of Eternal Happiness and Joy. I WILL LOVE YOU as CHRIST LOVES YOU and I will not take you for granted anymore!

Happy living

Beautiful daughter,

I have been doing lots of soul searching as of late, in the which I have found patience and forgiveness towards others, as actually being more beneficial to myself than to the recipient. I am sure that even though I may have been in the right and could have become exacting and demanding of what was mine by rights, I instead choose a course of action that I would like to be the recipient of, and after a considerable length of time I have been rewarded for my willingness to ride out the storms.
I have learned that the problems in the world stem from these two things and though related they need to be addressed separately. First in the scourges of humanity is the delinquency of fathers raising their children and: Second is divorce. And from these two social avoidances of responsibility comes all the foolish and destructive personalities with which we encounter on a daily basis.
I was left in divorce by your mother, and due to the circumstances and best hopes for both of our futures, I was impressed upon by the need to return to America to rebuild my life, I gave all that I could to help you and your mother financially and emotionally, I made sacrifices and phone calls everyday to be a part of your life, in-spite of the miles and costs involved. You have a wonderful mother who loves you every bit as much as I do, and we both want for you to be happy, healthy and full of confidence in who you are and the woman you can choose to be.
I am not a perfect man far from it, I am not saying that I have all the answers or even know the important questions to ask, But these few things I do know, Love, Trust, Faith and Patience are the keys to living, to enjoying and to progressing through the vicissitudes of life. Feeling sorry for ones self never built anything or solved any problems, God has Provided us all that we need or could ever use, But it is within us that the true strength and purpose is to be found.
Know your surroundings, know what’s what, but know thyself and “to thine own self be true.” Peace is not having fear, anger or resentment towards others. Rather it is Faith that your desires and actions are pure and will achieve the desired results to the which you have chosen. Being kind is always better than any other option, stand up for yourself, for truth and for what’s right, do not allow others to dictate what you will be involved in, Respect comes from Principals being lived not from compromises being reached. Over my life I have failed myself with ignorance and pride. At no point is it ever a good idea to sit by and allow your freedoms and your future to be decided by anyone and I mean anyone....
I have hope in you, I love and support you, just being you. I know that there are things in the world that can distract and hurt you, but ultimately you are the one and only decider for you. I have chosen to follow truth and in Christ is found all truth all hope, my faith is in the Atonement, in the plans and purposes of the Lord. I freely choose this and by so doing I am Christ’s, he has already chosen me and only by my choosing Him, am I truly His! A door can only be opened from the side that is locked, when we are baptized we unlock the door, but it is still through our efforts that we are able to enter in, worthiness comes from Christ, he provides that, we bring our desires and actions or initiative into the equation, but we must endeavor to achieve the same harmonious living that He enjoys in order to access the Atonement, which then cleanses us from all stain and degradation.
I have been writing this for over a week and right now you are laid beside me asleep and I am reflecting on our first airplane ride over here when I just started to cry and you asked me what was the matter. and my response was that I had missed you so much and was so happy to hold you in my arms and love you that I couldn’t help but to weep at how much I loved you.... (This is a mild comparison I am sure to the reunion we have chance to be a part of with our heavenly Parents and Jesus.) and the hugs and kisses you gave me and I you were to me most precious and pure. Eve God Lives and loves you as do I and WE want for your Eternal happiness and growth. Be the best you that there is, Love, laugh and live each day, each moment is yours to do with as you please. know what it truly means to be in the present!




Forever yours,

Daddy

Great Expectations

So here it is, this is what I expect from you.....
I have my view, you have yours, we seldom see things in the same way, yet we can get along pretty much as is expected..... being reasonably well, that is up until one of us acts out of either our character or another's expectation.

I want to be understood, as much as I want to be correct. When I place an expectation on you, I am setting you up for failure, and myself for disappointment. You are most likely to act within your own character and schema, as also am I. When we attempt to be in an equal relationship with another individual, now there are certainly social norms and mores with which we acquiesce, all of us have certain needs and certain wants that need to be met in order to have stability and growth. On the other hand we can place undue pressure and foolish expectations on others to shape them into what we want for them and not what they choose to be for themselves.

I want to be clear but not definitive with this subject because by its very nature it is a perspective rather than a matter of immoveable fact. All have a desire to be wanted, needed and accepted. We cannot live in solitude nor promote industry or growth without the unification of effort and skill brought voluntarily into society. Slavery isn't so much forced labor as it is oppression of choice and growth, where we, the individual want it. fairness is difficult where selfishness is the norm, but forcing substance from one to provide for another is the greatest form of idiocy yet invented, Initiative and desire come from reward, now protection from oppression and low wages is preferred by all but we cannot expect anyone to act outside their nature, true there is always an ability to improve, to put forth effort and to change, but that must and always will come from within.

Harmony is possible and most desirable with those whom we respect, with whom we honor and with whom we love unconditionally. It is very important to give with out the requirement of reciprocation, true some will abuse and seek to take advantage, but always there is the choice as to wether or not you facilitate their parasitic ways. No is one of Gods greatest kindnesses, immediate gratification brings with it little appreciation or respect, I like to be challenged, I enjoy learning and aligning myself with the truth, for easy come is certainly easy go.

Save yourself for the one you will cherish for all Eternity do not trade for gold nor for momentary pleasures the depth and purity of virginal love, experience is best gained in the acts of marriage in the exchange of ones self, body and soul.
"to thine own self be true" for the greatest struggle are won and lost in the blink of an eye, in the beat of a heart, in the moments between the moments, we live.

A simple enough concept, living, yet so few do, "men are that they might have joy", be fruitful and multiply for "the world has enough and to spare"........

The beginning is the end, the end is the beginning...

We must undertake the purpose of 'being' as an individual, as a family, as a society, as 'one'. In the mortal world we have birth and death, a cycle of life so to speak and as we move through each sunrise and sunset we are faced with emotions; love, regret, pride, serenity, hurt, resentment, forgiveness, lust, anger and so many, many more! Feeling is as much a part of living as cognizance is. We have the power to relive the past thru memory a wonder so awesome as to confuse the mind and hurt the heart as well as bring clarity and peace. Who am I? What legacy do I leave behind? Do I matter? What is my worth? Questions of validity and purpose..... I know that I am me, my actions are truth, my thought a perspective of reality ever craving the elusive Omniscience of Godhood. So the real test is not so much Obedience but faithfulness in the pursuit of perfection. A commandment is a warning A kindness, it is not for control of the spirit, rather a stretching of the soul as we recognize the purpose behind the advise and become a person who has no disposition for the sin. God cannot sin because he has no inclination to so do, yet he is not kept from sin by an outside source, he is rather good for the sake of being good. meaning he could sin if he chose to but why would he choose to? When sin merely brings with it negative and hurtful consequences.

The down side of good, the up side of bad.

So here I am looking at 30 years gone by, love, loss joy, pain, fear, hope, regret and gratitude. I have walked a winding road leading to now and in this moment I Live. the past is my perspective the future is my inspiration. I have waded thru much affliction and soared thru great moments. God....... GOD...... the title of perfection the father of truth, the redeemer of all his willing children. What must it be like to be from all Eternity to all Eternity? What would motivate a God to redeem or in other words perfect his children? in my limited minds eye, I see a being of love and knowledge, wisdom and grace, who has a sphere of influence which is ever expanding ever deepening. Whilst he achieved his harmonious existence and life, some sort of separation must have divided Him from the other intelligences that he was in the midst of. And as we were also from all Eternity to all Eternity and thus far not achieving as he had the perfected state of living, he devised a plan of perfection (salvation, happiness and progression) O* a circle is a symbol of certainty, an eternal continuation of cognizance. I believe that it was the knowledge of loneliness and boredom that quit possibly triggered the elevation of our Spirits.
God is a charitable capitalist.
As we find it not only impractical but impossible to wish anything (as substance or reality) into being we come to the very real and very necessary realization of work (effort and application) as a means of achieving absolutely everything! so when Gods "work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and Eternal life of (man)" each one of us, then we learn what the true commerce of heaven is, glory and honor. Gold and sweat have no real place in an ever expanding universe which is without bounds and without equal. Satan was a fool in the respect that he would not risk a veil of forgetfulness and humility in serving a greater wisdom than his own in order to become as God is.
So it also was with us, we had a choice to make, follow Jesus the Christ or follow Satan the deceiver. happily we all chose God the Fathers plan and were born into this world new and hopeful. For you see if we were to continue rolling thru Eternity in a perfect circle of unchanged paradigm's then what would if anything be the agent for change, for growth and improvement? Dare I say little hope could be found in that, but fully 1/3 of the hosts of heaven bought into just that fallacy and followed after the dragon. I am ever a man of questions and tho I do not understand much I must conclude as I do, that we are, that we were and that we always will be. So How we live, is and always will be, the great quest of the individual, a matter of one's character and integrity. Were we to continue as the 1/3 have, what hope could we take comfort in, knowing we had willfully damned ourselves from growth. So to me it was a break in our circle, a timeline of purpose with starts and endings frailties and pain losses and gains, we became new creatures and were given something wondrous and pure, we were given a new LIFE. a way of aligning ourselves with truth, with the God's.
I have witnessed the Birth of My daughter a wondrous and beautiful experience of creation, which has no parallel. Love or passion is an actual force (energy) or agent for growth, Gods own love for us and faith in the truth, is what makes an Atonement possible and sure. All of God's covenants are doors opened to us at the ends of the paths of obedience. For there was a law irrevocably decreed in heaven upon which all blessings are predicated and it is by obedience to those laws which qualifies us for the blessings. So it is a form of work or effort on our part that facilitates the change. We can work in many varied ways such as prayer and pondering, which often are the way in which one becomes in-tune with Deity. The blessing of baptism and marriage and parenting are not fully realized upon this earth nor in these imperfect bodies. God gave us the gift of birth and of death. When we are resurrected into a perfect and capable body with minds wholly our own, what will we do with them? how will we act? what will be our work and our glory? so first we must learn inner peace and perfection, secondly we must commit to and marry to the opposite gender, attempt at bearing and rearing children, becoming also over time at peace with them and maybe, just maybe, we can learn to be at peace with perfected beings Like Jesus the Christ and God the Father! We have a sure promise from the Lord that if repent, turn to him in humility and hope, he will heal us and with us change our hearts and our desires to be in harmony with the truth and the perfection of Joyous living.
(more to come later)