I am a Latter Day Saint

I'm a Mormon.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Love and Let Live


I was once given an analogy of how a Man should be a garden fence and how a woman is a Garden and if he will protect her from the outside world she will thrive and grow bearing wonderful and delicious fruit, but if he is a fence to restrict and keep her in she will be incapable of bearing all her potential fruit and may even turn it bitter.


I am a loving romantic who has had to learn to not stifle or smother those whom I love. The romantic in me feels a strong need to give assurances of my love and devotion. Most of what makes up the relationship is unglamorous, uninteresting and sometimes just routine. But it is still a beautiful and empowering experience, because it is consistent and safe, because it is real.

Choices and commitments are never easy to make, it seems as tho we are always either compromising or left incomplete. Some times we need to let go of things we want and may feel we need in order to have what we most desire, trading a safer better for a less steady best. Sometimes, even most of the time, we would rather go without and wonder rather than commit and possibly regret.
Here is where we Love and Let Live.
We with no strings attached give to an other and receive in kind. We allow them to leave or stay as they choose we champion their happiness both with and even without us, we Love and Let Live. It is what a parent does, it is what God our Heavenly Father does and it is what we too must do. The only person who can keep a commitment is the one who makes it.
I am responsible for my involvement, you are responsible for yours. God is the best example of this, he invites he blesses and he loves, he never forces or demands, but he does allow the consequences to follow our freedom of choice and tho I may want to be more to you that is not mine to choose, rather it is my invitation to extend.

Truly there will never be a convenient time nor a perfect timing but there can be great interactions and relationship building experiences under the less than perfect circumstances, whilst we are struggling to makes sense and adjustments for it to work. Yes it a good thing to make adjustments, because we are looking to get married. Therefore we are bringing only a part and receiving the other part and rarely will this happen without compromise's and change. One must stay true to their desires and inmost selves, and yet it is not possible to put 2 individuals together without one or both making concessions. So for the whole to become complete the parts must be willing to fit. I rank Commitment, Integrity, Service and Support as the most important character traits one can have, I can work with most everything else, if those are firmly in place.


I loved her for her purity
I loved her for her mind
I loved her for her honesty
I love her because she's kind
I love her need for planning
I love her playful ways
I love her way of giving
I tell her every day
I love all of her I am seeing
I love her thru and thru
I love our close way of being
Yes Darling,
I love you for being you!



Faith and hope in the future must be founded on facts and fruits, otherwise we are foolishly building on fiction and fantasy.
I can give no more than all of me and will accept no less than a satisfied and committed you. The Win, Win, Win. Where I Win, You Win, and We Win together!
Failure is not an option and giving up is foolishness, but choosing is wisdom and whatever the choice is, it brings ownership and responsibility. I chose this for me and I choose to work for the future which is hopefully a future with you.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

LOVES SCHEMES DREAMS

I BID THEE TO COME WITH ME
INTO THIS MY SCENE OF IMAGERY.

WE SHALL TRAVEL TO THE MOON
AND FROM THIS HEIGHT I SHALL SWOON
UNTO THEE WITH SONG BIRD TUNE.

WE’LL HAVE A PICNIC BY A CRYSTAL LAKE
AND FINISH IT OFF WITH CHOCOLATE CAKE.

WE’LL SWIM AND SUN UPON THE SHORE,
ALL OF OUR WORLDLY CARES,
WE SHALL IGNORE.

THEN FLY WE OFF INTO THE EAST
PARTAKING OF A SULTAN’S FEAST.

DANCING THE HOURS AWAY
WITH OUR HEARTS SO LIGHT
AND OUR SPIRITS GAY.

IN A PALACE WE’LL SLEEP THAT NIGHT
DREAMING UP OUR FUTURES DELIGHT.

BUT ONLY IF YOU WILL COME WITH ME
INTO THIS MY WORLD OF IMAGERY.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Monday, July 26, 2010

The 6 chemistries of compatibility expounded!


Firstly lets decide that we are trying to actually get married and not just date and have a good time.

There are five steps to gaining intimacy, as well as 5 stages to developing a relationship. #1. Know #2. Trust #3 Rely #4. Commit #5 Touch, #1. Meeting #2. Dating #3. Courting #4. Engagement and #5 Marriage
the first and fifth should only happen once but both parties must be clear and on the same stage in their relationship in order to have things progress smoothly.

Now if the first hurdle is our physical attraction we must then decide what our measuring criteria are, and I can only speak for myself so we will leave the specifics and look at the deal breakers instead. The first deal breaker is bad hygiene and lack of concern for ones appearance, I don't care about how expensive or exotic your clothing may be, I just care whether or not you've put any thought into your presentation. Are you active in your lifestyle? Do you have the ability to have fun with me, in and out of doors? Most importantly do you smile easily and often?

So we can now look at the 2nd Chemistry of Compatibility, which is that of one's Intelligence. This is not how hi your IQ is or how well you did in school, this is rather about the ability one has to figure things out, both direct and implied information. If I am having to explain the movie to you when we are watching it together for the first time respectively, and I have a total grasp of it and you are bewildered than its never gonna work. If we go out and I am incapable of integrating with you and you world than it is also never gonna work. We must be on the same mental plain in order to respect and appreciate one another. We must also trust that the other person is competent and capable of living life, should we be separated. we need to speak the same language and view life's purposes and goals in the same way.

The 3rd Chemistry of Compatibility is Emotional stability. I am on a relationship train, not roller a relationship coaster! Life will go up and down, but you and I must stay within the healthy few points of median and not a Manic Depressants peaks nor troughs. I also need to know that how I feel is important to you, always, how you feel is very important to me. Will you seek understanding or will you decide how it is without asking my input? Are you more concerned with being right than with understanding me and what I am thinking and doing? Basically are you all about you and your emotional fulfillment or do you concern yourself with a healthy balance of you and I?

The 4th Chemistry of Compatibility is your Spiritual direction and mine. Do we view the Eternal in similar ways? Can we agree on the Nature of God and his Plan for our Happiness? Do we both want to be sealed in the Temple? Can you even discuss the Old and New Testaments with familiarity? Are you converted to the restored Gospel of Christ? Do you have faith in the Power and direction of the Priesthood? Will you keep your Covenants? Do you seek forgiveness and offer it in kind? have you Charity and are you no respecter of persons? Is Jesus Christ your Saviour and king? Will you pray with and for me?

The 5th Chemistry of Compatibility is Recreational. Although this is the least important, recreation has a very important part to play in how we grow together, or grow apart. Do we have the same level of enjoyment playing together, as we do with others, while engaging in any of our preferred forms of fun? Do we have the ability to support each other in things we don't find entertaining and enjoyable, because we are happy when our loved ones are? And lastly can we be alone together and not be bored with each other?

The 6th Chemistry of Compatibility is the most elusive and hardest to line up, that being the Time we spend together and the Timing of when we meet and date. So in order to delve into this one I must first go thru the timing of when we meet. Ok if we meet the wrong person at the right time that is every failed relationship we have ever had. We may even have dated the right person but it was the wrong time and that too has failed to culminate in marriage. The wrong person at the wrong time we all are ignorant to that one, but its the correct person at the correct time that we are all striving to find. We go into all our dating with this hope in mind, that this is finally the right person and the timing is also right.

But how do we spend the appropriate amount of time with this potential spouse? Do we smother? are we too distant? Or are we just unsure about how to be with them but not put expectations on them? Are we too concerned with who else they might be with? Or do we seem to not care at all? I believe that this is the hardest of the 6 to figure out. Here is what we must understand at all times we must communicate both verbally and physically what we are feeling and wanting from each and every encounter. We must build the relationship every time we get together, we can't assume anything because every 2 people are going to act differently than they would with an other combination of individuals. A relationship is going to be in a constant state of FLUX. Are you willing to work at it? Can you see the benefits will come at some point in the future through good foundational building on your ability to express and receive vital information regarding the person you could spend Eternity with?

If you are not capable or willing to do these small few things than you should look in the mirror and ask yourself why you even bother dating, because you are living in a paradox of counter intuitive self fulfilling prophecies of failure. But if you can put the effort in and determine in your heart and mind that an Eternal relationship takes the best you have to offer in order to work and work for the rest of your life to nurture it, I promise you that come what may you will look back and be grateful as well as appreciative of Gods gift of life. Because you will have LIVED it with purpose and determination not as a reactionary but instigating and developing the character and traits of greatness thru out your earthly sojourn!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Independence vs Autonomy

I Was talking to my good friend Mitch during one of our 2 am gym and hot tub nights, and the subject of Independence, co-dependence, Interdependence and Autonomy came up. So after that greatly frustrating conversation, I decided I needed to Blog about my thoughts on the latter subject. I do now recognize that emotional Autonomy is very good and healthy if it means you aren't a chameleon and adjust to those around you rather it's an owning of your own feelings and choosing them.

Now first off, I am very attracted to the Independent woman, but having made this declaration I also want to make perfectly clear that I do not want to date the "Autonomous Island woman" who won't allow you to be there for her and doesn't want to feel as though she has to be there for you. I must say here that I am a giver and a man of service, so to me, it is not a simple thing to receive the gifts or the service others might wish for me to have from them, but I have learned that it is as great a kindness to receive an other's gifts as it is to give to them. Reciprocation is a compounding circular path of growth and that means, give and receive, not give and take!

So the question in our mid singles scene is; (Guys) "how do we close the sale? or commit to the Eternal relationship?" (Ladies)
I believe a lot in the principal of faith, and have found it is always over a long stretch of time that clarity comes to the events of our lives. I myself struggle to ignore the vibes that say "something is off" yet nothing has, as yet, been vocalized. So do I address the issue of not knowing quit what's up? Or do I need to wait until she has broached her topic? Or do I say nothing and wait, because until it's an issue it's not an issue? Or do I try to open windows and doors thru love, service and kind words, so that she can feel secure in knowing I truly am there for her?

I have personally chosen to do the latter and in all cases past it has proved to be the end of the relationship, yet I was not wanting it to end, rather I was striving to create a place of safety and acceptance. I can't fight for something when it's not expressed, I cannot read minds or anticipate most things, I may tune into a vibe here and there but the only true way to have a great relationship is thru trust and open honest dialog. Hence my struggle with the autonomous person, who will always struggle to share or rely upon another, thereby sabotaging the relationship, because they can't let go of the control and independence, or in other words their Autonomy!

And now after having spent more of their life as a single/independent adult winning over life's vicissitudes and achieving some semblance of balance and security. the Idea of adding a significant other to their status quo and "upsetting their apple cart" by integrating another, can cause a great deal of anxiety and stress, that is once the fun times have run there course and the realization that it is a one way train track heading to marriage, the second guessing and panic set in. Some might worry that they still haven't dated enough different people to make a good decision others might; like a very smart and beautiful friend of mine say, "I know what it's not" but not recognize what it "is" when its right there in your face, like the glasses you can't seem to find because you are looking thru them and not at them.

So why then do we get on the relationship train in the first place? I believe it is because we find fulfillment and joy in the company of others and Love is the key to life's everything. Gods first and greatest commandment to Adam and Eve was to cleave unto each other and to multiply and care for the earth. Otherwise there is no life, no children, no future.

I have had a crash course thru my first young marriage on how to not only live with someone but to love them even when in disagreement or frustration with them, this I believe has given me an advantage over fear and insecurity. Knowing as I do that over time all things will become right again and that the Saviors Atonement truly does heal and fix us all from the inside out.

So it is great to be Independent but even the Son of God is not Autonomous from the Father and if we are to be like Him we need to not only have faith in and reliance upon Him but must also endeavor to likewise love, cherish, trust and rely upon another whom we are Eternally wedded and sealed.



On the flip side no one wants a clingy, needy, foolish partner who feels more like a dependent than an help meet. So how do we come across as the Independent yet committed to you person who can have a healthy and nurturing relationship? I would offer that it is by trusting first, giving first, saying first and not expecting anything in return, that we are then able to start building the foundations of a great relationship. It does not matter how an other feels about you until you have decided how you feel about them. For one to wait until it is safe and they have the so called "power of the situation", having received either the declaration of love or the acts of service to be willing to then give is short sighted, selfish and foolish! Yet no one wants to feel as though it is not earned and thereby valued. So how do we relate that to the other person? how does our life match up with our words and desires? how do 2 become "at one" and at peace and harmony?

How do you think this is done?

Sunday, July 18, 2010



Although you saw of me yesterday
I am not the same this day
though we may words have exchanged
but still I must change progressing beyond
the man whom I have become

but that's not where I begin, but instead
by describing myself as I am from within

look see into my eyes
for there in them lies
the soul of a man
whose conviction defies
any deceit and all off the lies

I am a man

but all too soon temptations set in
desire is turned upside down
causing convictions to crumble,
turning to dust,
allowing visions to cloud
and intentions to rust

but in me one always can find
someone to trust and therein confide
I never will stop and never let slide
when there's a choice to be made yes once I decide
you shall have nothing to fear nor reason to hide,
for anything that is of importance to you
is to me of the utmost significance too!

You and I


You have perceived my discomforts
dissuading my inhibitions
with the sweetest commissions

do you yet understand my darling
the effects of your presence
the magic in your eyes
the fire in your lips
the electric shock of your finger tips?

and how with the simple touch of your smile
the pains of this world flee into the farthest exile
its hard for me to be so far away
when the mere thought of you
makes me feel this way

where are the answers that I so diligently seek ?
where are the words to make me feel complete ?
I love you, I Love you, just let me hear them
I love You, I Love You! we all need to hear
this simple phrase that comes form the heart
I love you, I Love You, is only a start.