Firstly lets decide that we are trying to actually get married and not just date and have a good time.
There are five steps to gaining intimacy, as well as 5 stages to developing a relationship. #1. Know #2. Trust #3 Rely #4. Commit #5 Touch, #1. Meeting #2. Dating #3. Courting #4. Engagement and #5 Marriage
the first and fifth should only happen once but both parties must be clear and on the same stage in their relationship in order to have things progress smoothly.
Now if the first hurdle is our physical attraction we must then decide what our measuring criteria are, and I can only speak for myself so we will leave the specifics and look at the deal breakers instead. The first deal breaker is bad hygiene and lack of concern for ones appearance, I don't care about how expensive or exotic your clothing may be, I just care whether or not you've put any thought into your presentation. Are you active in your lifestyle? Do you have the ability to have fun with me, in and out of doors? Most importantly do you smile easily and often?
So we can now look at the 2nd Chemistry of Compatibility, which is that of one's Intelligence. This is not how hi your IQ is or how well you did in school, this is rather about the ability one has to figure things out, both direct and implied information. If I am having to explain the movie to you when we are watching it together for the first time respectively, and I have a total grasp of it and you are bewildered than its never gonna work. If we go out and I am incapable of integrating with you and you world than it is also never gonna work. We must be on the same mental plain in order to respect and appreciate one another. We must also trust that the other person is competent and capable of living life, should we be separated. we need to speak the same language and view life's purposes and goals in the same way.
The 3rd Chemistry of Compatibility is Emotional stability. I am on a relationship train, not roller a relationship coaster! Life will go up and down, but you and I must stay within the healthy few points of median and not a Manic Depressants peaks nor troughs. I also need to know that how I feel is important to you, always, how you feel is very important to me. Will you seek understanding or will you decide how it is without asking my input? Are you more concerned with being right than with understanding me and what I am thinking and doing? Basically are you all about you and your emotional fulfillment or do you concern yourself with a healthy balance of you and I?
The 4th Chemistry of Compatibility is your Spiritual direction and mine. Do we view the Eternal in similar ways? Can we agree on the Nature of God and his Plan for our Happiness? Do we both want to be sealed in the Temple? Can you even discuss the Old and New Testaments with familiarity? Are you converted to the restored Gospel of Christ? Do you have faith in the Power and direction of the Priesthood? Will you keep your Covenants? Do you seek forgiveness and offer it in kind? have you Charity and are you no respecter of persons? Is Jesus Christ your Saviour and king? Will you pray with and for me?
The 5th Chemistry of Compatibility is Recreational. Although this is the least important, recreation has a very important part to play in how we grow together, or grow apart. Do we have the same level of enjoyment playing together, as we do with others, while engaging in any of our preferred forms of fun? Do we have the ability to support each other in things we don't find entertaining and enjoyable, because we are happy when our loved ones are? And lastly can we be alone together and not be bored with each other?
The 6th Chemistry of Compatibility is the most elusive and hardest to line up, that being the Time we spend together and the Timing of when we meet and date. So in order to delve into this one I must first go thru the timing of when we meet. Ok if we meet the wrong person at the right time that is every failed relationship we have ever had. We may even have dated the right person but it was the wrong time and that too has failed to culminate in marriage. The wrong person at the wrong time we all are ignorant to that one, but its the correct person at the correct time that we are all striving to find. We go into all our dating with this hope in mind, that this is finally the right person and the timing is also right.
But how do we spend the appropriate amount of time with this potential spouse? Do we smother? are we too distant? Or are we just unsure about how to be with them but not put expectations on them? Are we too concerned with who else they might be with? Or do we seem to not care at all? I believe that this is the hardest of the 6 to figure out. Here is what we must understand at all times we must communicate both verbally and physically what we are feeling and wanting from each and every encounter. We must build the relationship every time we get together, we can't assume anything because every 2 people are going to act differently than they would with an other combination of individuals. A relationship is going to be in a constant state of FLUX. Are you willing to work at it? Can you see the benefits will come at some point in the future through good foundational building on your ability to express and receive vital information regarding the person you could spend Eternity with?
If you are not capable or willing to do these small few things than you should look in the mirror and ask yourself why you even bother dating, because you are living in a paradox of counter intuitive self fulfilling prophecies of failure. But if you can put the effort in and determine in your heart and mind that an Eternal relationship takes the best you have to offer in order to work and work for the rest of your life to nurture it, I promise you that come what may you will look back and be grateful as well as appreciative of Gods gift of life. Because you will have LIVED it with purpose and determination not as a reactionary but instigating and developing the character and traits of greatness thru out your earthly sojourn!
